For those who read this and know it is a direct reference, please don't read this with sour eyes. Read this and appreciate your fortune. Read this with eyes from another perspective. Smile as you see from another vantage point and smile as you hug your loved one and experience Germany with them.
It's the small things that matter. The most seemingly insignificant things can mean so much when in a different perspective. A trip to the grocery store. No big deal. A trip to the grocery store in another country - has become no big deal 2 months later. However, having someone to experience the initial confusion WITH you - seemingly insignificant, but a very big deal. The memories to look back upon and laugh at the confusion when the lady at the checkout counter speaks so fast. The gazes from the 962 people in line behind you wondering why you are so slow. A shared experience. A shared experience with someone you love. Now stop and imagine that person was not with you. Welcome to my world.
Welcome to my world where you are typically independent to a fault and now have to rely on others for help. Welcome to the world of relying on Skype, relying on a good internet connection just to gaze upon the people you can't touch. A self-hug in mid air with closed eyes imagining the ghost of the other inside them. A trip to the grocery store alone where there is no one to help or laugh with amidst the comical insanity of the situation.
The little things become routine, but the memories are mine alone.
I have a new perspective on the little things. The picture in the mail with scribble outside of the lines splatter my wall as makeshift wallpaper. The random cards in the mail are on display to remind me everyday of why I am here and who I get to go home to. The people I am here with now have become my family because they are all I have 5,000 miles away from the ordinary. They become a source of laughter, a shoulder to cry on, a substitute for the people in my life I wish were here with me.
I just wish I had someone to experience this with me. For what I have sacrificed, it sometimes feels overwhelming. Unless you have lived it, I don't think you understand the magnitude of strength it takes to get up in the morning and smile.
I admit, I do catch myself being envious at times of others. Envious of the small things. I am not perfect.
I am split between wishing the time away and slowing it down. Thus, it stays as is and depending on the day you ask me, it will either be flying by or crawling behind a tortoise.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNice blog. I stumbled across your blog googling something about Burghausen and getting sidetracked
ReplyDeletewith "Tennesseans in Bavaria".
As a 'Stranger in a Strange Land', you only can experience the experiences alone and the memories are also only your to 'understand' and cherish.
It is surprising how far the head nod will get you ;-) you may want to add a "Ja Ja" here and there (and suppress the blank stare).
But rountine comes quick for you 'and them'.
But you seem no stranger to being a 'Stranger in a Strange Land'.
Enjoy the experiences while you are here, they will stay with you forever.
I came here 20 years ago and stayed.
...and hey that 1% is when life happens (and not 99% reflecting on it).
-Paul
=)
ReplyDeleteIt takes the 1% to create an individual. And thus, I am really friggin unique!! =)
I can see why you stayed. This area is beautiful and I am so fortunate to be able to experience everything Bavaria has to offer!
I'll work on switching the "uh huh"s to "ja ja"s !
I caught myself actually understanding a conversation today. Spooooky. Progress.